Knowing by Nilraen (petloverstef@yahoo.com
)
Heyy everyone- this is my first Alexander fic...actually I guess you
could say it is my first fic ever so yeahh…Alexander rocked like
crazy! I started getting into Alexander even before the movie, and I knew
I had to watch it. However, I’m only thirteen. Luckily movie theatres aren’t
exactly the most patrolled places in the world… anyway, I’m rambling.
Enjoy the story…reviews always help.
If I made any mistakes, please tell me and forgive me, especially about
that girl part. I had really no clue
about that one..and please keep in mind that I’m only thirteen and new to this
stuff.
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Knowing
He had suspected things for a while now, ever since they left
Sogdia. Hephaestion’s manner towards
him had taken a strange turn. Not that
Hephaestion was ignoring Alexander - they still shared jests, drank wine, and
even indulged in an occasional night together. But there always used to be a sense of wanting that showed in
Hephaestion when they were around each other- the glimmer of the blue eyes
constantly fixed on him. Lately, the eyes
did not seek him out as often, and around him Hephaestion had not seemed wanting,
mostly content. And if that was not
strange enough, once in a while, when Hephaestion looked at him, when he
thought Alexander didn’t notice, his eyes seemed to deepen with sadness and
hurt. But Alexander did notice.
“Alexander." Ptolemy's voice rang out in the night air, jolting him
out of his thoughts. “Alexander, surely
you do not want to sit and gaze at the fire all night.”
“We were thinking of getting some wine," Cassander added, as he stood beside Ptolemy. "Let us get Hephaestion - where has he
gone?”
At the words, Alexander started again.
Where was Hephaestion? Usually, on nights like these, he would be
sitting next to Alexander. They would
talk about everything - about their childhood, about the campaign, about the Iliad
and its heroes...
“Well, Achilles. You seem to
have lost your Patroclus,” Ptolemy said, eyes flashing mischievously. “Perhaps you should look for him.”
Intent on doing just that, Alexander strode away from the fire and
towards Hephaestion’s tent. What could
his friend possibly be doing in there, shut up all alone?
“Hephaestion. Tell me some more, Hephaestion.” Alexander stopped dead at the voice
floating out from the tent. It seemed
like Hephaestion was not alone.
“If you insist. Now where was
I? Ah, the story of
“Do you
love me, Hephaestion?” The sweet,
soft female voice sounded like a hissing snake to the king.
There was a pause before he heard Hephaestion get up. Then silence. Alexander knew that they were kissing - he had been around enough
lovers who were separated from the outside by only the thin walls of a
tent. He paused for only a moment
before he strode towards the opening of Hephaestion’s tent. Mere men would have turned away to brood and
sulk. But he was Alexander, and he
never turned from a situation however difficult.
Bursting in through the thin flap, Alexander saw at once his suspicions
had been true. Hephaestion lay on some
furs, his chest bare. Next to him lay a
girl with long, flowing black hair and large green eyes. Alexander immediately
recognized her. She had a unique name -
Sephoras, and had come on the campaign along with Bagoas. It had been so long ago- why was
Hephaestion doing this now? Did he not
notice her before?
“Alexander…I…” Hephaestion was staring at him in shock, trying to form
some semblance of a greeting. The girl,
meanwhile, looked like she wanted to crawl under the furs and hide
forever. “Alexander...” Hephaestion
tried again.
Quickly hiding the hurt that must have shown on his face, Alexander straightened
and slid a casual mask on.
“Hephaestion. I seem to have…interrupted you. I am sorry. But may I talk to you alone?”
Putting on his own mask, Hephaestion turned to the girl with a fake
smile. He waved towards the door. Within seconds, the girl got up and fled out
of the tent. The two men turned towards
each other, letting their fake expressions drop. Hephaestion, still sitting, was shocked to see the raw agony mixed
with anger in Alexander’s eyes.
“You love her,” he whispered, almost to himself. “You love her. You love her. You love her.
You love her!” With each passing second
he got louder and louder until at the last one he flung himself at Hephaestion,
pinning his shoulders to the ground. “Hephaestion, you love her!”
“Alexander-”
“You told her the story of Achilles and Patroclus. The Iliad.
You told her our story! Why?! Why did you?” The gray eyes blazed with fire, then
suddenly were dimmed as they filled with tears.
“Alexander, understand… ” Hephaestion struggled to get up.
“But I don't!” Alexander lashed
out, pinning him back down. “Do you not
love me anymore? Do I matter? Do I matter at all?”
Suddenly, Hephaestion, with a great burst of strength, pushed Alexander
off him and sent him sprawling into some silk pillows nearby. Stunned for a few seconds, he pushed himself
off the floor only to see Hephaestion sitting up, his head bowed and his silky
hair obscuring his face. Alexander,
concerned, knelt before him. He could
practically see the hurt searing, burning his friend’s form.
“Bagoas,” was all Hephaestion said.
It was all he needed to say. At
the very sound of the eunuch's name, Alexander paled.
“Hephaestion…you know that you are my true love…you know I think of you
always…”
“You think of me?”
Hephaestion laughed bitterly, and looked up into Alexander’s eyes. His smooth cheeks were streaked with tears;
his mouth was trembling though he tried not to show it. “Since when have thoughts kept a man
warm at night? You think that because
you think of me, that is enough. Well,
maybe it’s enough for you, now that you have Bagoas.” He laughed again, but fresh tears flowed down his cheeks. "But thoughts are not enough for me. I need company - I am human, Alexander.”
When Alexander did not say anything, he plowed on," So I met Sephoras. We have had many good nights together.” He almost smiled when he saw the distress in
the gray eyes. “But know, Alexander,
that she is not you. And she
never will be.” Looking at Alexander
once more with a heartbreaking glance, Hephaestion got up and swept out of the
tent, into the darkness of night.
Alexander stared around him. He
had never felt so utterly, so completely forsaken and alone. A chill seemed to consume him, to freeze his
heart and stop his breathing. Alexander
wanted desperately to believe that Hephaestion was wrong - he was right. Bagoas had not changed anything. But even as he thought of it he knew that it
was not true.
“But know, Alexander, that she is not you. And she never will be.”
Alexander knew what he was supposed to do. Knocking over a table in his haste, he ran outside. At the sight of him the dreaming guards
snapped to attention. They saw his
flustered face; tangled hair and ran up, concerned. “King…”
“Hephaestion. Tell me. Where is Hephaestion?” He barely managed to keep
himself from shouting.
Clearly confused, the head guard stammered, “ The L-Lord Hephaestion…he
ran out of here earlier and…”
“Where?”
“He took in the d-direction of the r-river, my king-”
Alexander tore off in the direction of the guard’s pointing finger, his
bright golden man streaming behind him.
It seemed he couldn’t make himself run fast enough; he needed to
fly. But soon he neared the river, and
his pace slowed. His eyes scanned the
darkness anxiously, looking for a figure.
For Hephaestion.
He spotted him on a large slap of rock facing the rushing river, fed by
the snow from the mountains. His chest
was still bare, and as Alexander moved close he could tell Hephaestion was
shivering. He seemed to be looking at
something far off, but Alexander knew he was just lost in his thoughts. Moving silently, Alexander slipped behind
him and put his cloak on the cold shoulders.
Hephaestion started at the touch, then relaxed when he realized who it
was.
“Hephaestion, “ Alexander began, and was afraid he would not know what
to say. But the words came out of him
so easily that he knew he had known them all along. “You know, Hephaestion, you must know, that Bagoas is not you.
And he never will be.”
For a few moments there was silence.
But then Hephaestion turned to face Alexander, his blue eyes glittering
in the darkness.
“ I know, Alexander. I know.”