Everything I do Has Been For You

Author: Eamane Aldarion

Beta: Ziantasha, T.Futcher

Pic, Page Design and muse: Findecano Elendil

Rating: G

Characters: Alexander/Bagoas/Hephaistion

Feedback: Sure! Eamane5@aol.com

Warnings: none

Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. I am only having fun with them. No money made here.

Summary: Bagoas unselfishly helps Alexander realize where his heart truly lies.

Archives: The Library, Lotrfanfiction

Note: *-* used for emphasis.

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ONE

 

In Babylon, Bagoas lay awake listening to Alexander’s deep, even breathing after he succumbed contentedly to slumber following their rigorous lovemaking. He stole a glance at the handsomely rugged blond lying next to him, reached out a caring hand and brushed away several strands of wavy hair from his brow. He sighed deeply, as thoughts he had been pondering came forth again to haunt him once more.

 

Although they had been together for quite some time, he always knew that Alexander was holding back a part of himself; a part that seemingly no one had been able to touch- not his mother, nor his wife- but all became clear to him as a mid-summer’s day when by happenstance he bore witness to the light that shone brightly in his lover’s eyes whenever he was in close

proximity to his childhood friend Hephaistion.

 

He had many times heard the tales, for Alexander spun them like tattered wheels upon a rocky road- and with every one, the delight that burst forth from him with his recollections radiated

through every line in his beautifully chiselled face. They were tales of old- tales of him and his childhood friend throughout various stages of their lives, and he never seemed to tire telling them.

 

It was time, he thought with a heavy sigh, quickly dashing away the tears that had formed in the corners of his eyes with the back of his hand. Events were about to transpire that should not ever have even been allowed to bloom. He knew what he must do.

 

“Alexander,” he whispered, gently shaking his lover awake.

 

Alexander opened his eyes and looked at him. “What is it, Bagoas?”

 

“We need to talk.”

 

“It is late. Can we not talk tomorrow?”

 

“Tomorrow will be too late, Alexander.”

 

Alexander blinked, and pulled himself up to sit beside Bagoas in the bed. “All right, I am up. What must we talk about?”

 

Bagoas turned and searched his lover’s questioning eyes. “You have made a grave mistake in beseeching Hephaistion to marry. The wedding tomorrow must not take place.”

 

“What?” Alexander queried, his brow furrowing.

 

Bagoas turned from his gaze. “He doesn’t love her now, but he will given time. Such is the man that he is. Where would that leave you then?”

 

Alexander frowned. “You’ve had too much wine, Bagoas. I am sure it has altered your perception. Come; let us go back to sleep now,” He placed an arm around his shoulders.

 

“It is not the wine that has made me see, Alexander. As much as I would love to overlook and cast aside what I know is the truth and lie here in your arms forever, I cannot- for I love you enough to want to see you truly happy, and I accept now that it can never be achieved with me.”

 

Alexander pulled his arm away and turned his body to face him head on. “What are you saying?

 

“You love him, Alexander. You always have. Can you not see that?”

 

“Of course I do! We have been close since we were but children, you know that. But it is not the same love that you and I share.”

 

Bagoas looked into his eyes. “No, it is not- but it *should* be. He has your *heart,* Alexander. He always has. All I have of you is your body. If you would think upon it, who would you say is richer?”

 

Alexander stared at him in stunned silence.

 

Bagoas smiled warmly. “Do you not realize that everything you have ever *done* has been for him? I remember your tales well, my love. From children, you shared *everything* with him, all that you had and all that you dared to think or even dream- and you still do. When you began to fulfill your destiny, you brought him with you, and all the riches you’ve acquired you share generously with him. Even until this very day, you are hell-bent on making his life as rich as yours.”

 

Alexander started to speak, but Bagoas put a finger to his lips, silencing him.

 

“Roxanne dislikes us both; but she dislikes *him* even more. I am confident she wishes you would forget us entirely, but she knows that will not happen. So, she tolerates me- because she knows I pose a far less threat than him.”

 

“Bagoas…” Alexander tried to object.

 

“Please indulge me a while longer, my love,” Bagoas continued.

 

Alexander groaned, but stayed silent.

 

“Have you ever noticed that Hephaistion cannot quite look me in the eye? I have; and I know why. It is because I represent yet *another* obstacle between you. I have long watched him watch you, my love. He no more wishes to marry Drypetis than you did Roxanne, save for to bring forth an heir at your bidding. He will do what you say, because *you* say it, but she holds his heart no more than Roxanne or I hold yours.”

 

“Even still, he is not like you, Alexander. In time, and in her company, he will resign himself and give his heart to their union. If he is at all the man you speak so highly of, and I think he is- he is destined to do so. Be honest with yourself, Alexander. Do you really wish to have that happen?”

 

Alexander stared at him for a moment before speaking. “I know not what to say. It was never my wish to bring you pain, Bagoas.”

 

Bagoas smiled, and caressed his face with the palm of his hand. “It is not your fault, my love. Nor is it your fault that I have fallen in love with a man I can never completely have. Your destiny lies with *him,* Alexander. It has from the very beginning, and to fight it any longer would be foolish. Remember what you said to the Queen when she mistook him for you? You said, “He too is Alexander.” And he *is,* my love- for he is your *essence.* He completes you.”

 

Alexander sighed deeply, and pulled him close. “You are wise beyond your years, Bagoas.”

 

Bagoas hugged him briefly and then pulled away. “No, my love. Hephaistion is far wiser in keeping his heart to himself rather than to risk your scorn.”

 

Alexander cradled Bagoas’ face within his palms. “You have not my scorn, only my remorse for what you have helped me realize cannot ever be.”

 

“Then go to him, Alexander. Go to him tonight before it is too late. Say to him the words he has waited his whole life to hear. Look deep into his eyes and you will know that what I say is true, for his eyes will never confirm any falsehood that his lips may speak,” Bagoas whispered.

 

“But what of you, Bagoas?”

 

 Bagoas gently removed the King’s hands from his face. “I will depart to return to my land in the morning, for long have I missed it. I will be fine, I assure you. You need not be troubled about me.”

 

“I would wish to know that you would never want for anything, Bagoas. You must allow this atonement from me, for I owe you far greater a debt.”

 

“That is not necessary, my love.” Bagoas replied, shaking his head.

 

Alexander grabbed his hands. “To this I must *insist,* Bagoas.”

 

Bagoas sighed in resignation. “Very well.” He smiled then. “Now go. I will not expect to see you return tonight.”

 

Alexander looked at him for a long while, kissed him lovingly and deeply, and then left the room.

 

The halls were silent as Alexander quietly walked to Hephaistion’s chambers. When he reached the door, he knocked softly.

 

“Who is there?” Hephaistion’s sleep filled voice eventually answered from the other side.

 

“It is me, Hephaistion; Alexander.”

 

“Alexander? Come in! What brings you to my rooms at this hour? Is something wrong?”

 

Alexander opened the door to find him sitting up in bed, looking straight at him. His rigid posture made him appear somewhat alarmed, but his eyes conveyed hope at the same time. By the Gods! Bagoas is right, he thought. It was there- in his eyes, those sparkling, sapphire blue

eyes that had long ago captivated and held his heart hostage.

 

“Alexander?”

 

Oh, how he loved to hear the sound of his own name spoken from those lips, for Hephaistion spoke his name aloud unlike any other. He edged closer to the bed, and took his hand. He stood there for a time watching Hephaistion curiously looking back up at him and lost himself within the gaze of those eyes, which were now smiling in tandem with his lips.

 

“Hephaistion, there is something I must tell you now that is long overdue, and I shall not wait a moment longer to do so,” Alexander whispered, sitting beside him on the bed.

 

 

THE END