Scrawlings: The Trial Of Being Snape

The main hall was soon filled with excited and scared first years. As usual, Professor McGonagall stood out the front with the list of names. Dumbledoor was his normal cheerful self and Snape looked like he wanted to kill something. Everything was as it should be except for one thing... When McGonagall got down to the W's Snape froze. The hall seemed to be a mile away from his whizzing mind. 'Not her! Oh, please not her!' The grinning girl bounced up to the stool and the hat was lowered. Quite a portion of the staff were distracted from this, though, due to Snape's downright bizarre behaviour.
He was crossing his fingers so hard that his knuckles went white, was scrunching up his eyes and incessantly muttering "Not Slytherin, please not Slytherin,". When the sorting hat yelled "SLYTHERIN!!" He went more pale then usual and sank down in his chair, eyes full of horror. The girl, however, seemed very happy.

She jumped down from the stool and practically flew to the teacher's table. Leaping over the wood and displacing a significant amount of cutlery in the process, she wrapped her arms around his practically exploding frame. Whether he looked white because of anger, surprise, horror or lack of oxygen or all together is still a mystery. It is well known though, that after a second the whole hall was silent and staring. Snape too was staring; staring at the mass of frizzy brown hair and grin that was currently pretending to be a corset. It is said that even the muggles in Britain heard the thundering "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" that he screamed.

A few weeks later, the whole school could see why he was so upset. Whenever she was free, she would skip to his office, barge through the door and either hug him and or poke him for the next hour or so. Not only that, but she referred to him as Sevvie or Sev or permutations thereof. She also seemed beyond his reprimand- He couldn't give her detention because she would be there for longer. He couldn't take points from Slytherin because he was...well...him!! Even glaring didn't seem to work. She just grinned back until he felt like destroying a large amount of something.
In his last depths of despair, he managed to lock her in a cupboard- she seemed quite happy- and flew by broomstick to the nearest pest-control center. The old wizard set down the bottle of "Gnome away" he was holding and looked up over his spectacles. "What can I do for you, sir?"

"I need to make this quick. I have a rather serious pest." "Ahhh, giant gnats." The man butt in and turned to pick up a bottle of green poison. "No. She is 11 years old, shows no respect, pokes me black and blue and WONT GO AWAY!" The old wizard, taken aback at Snape's outburst thought for a minute.
"Ahhh, you must be Severus Snape! Of course, the annoying short girl. It's been all through the news. Now what you need is a good strong Imperious curse." He said, leaning back. "I tried that. She just rebounded it and I found myself being poked for two hours, unable to poke back.
"hmmmmmmm... Have you tried *He reels off all the unforgivable curses, cleaning curses, hexes, paralyzing curses and swear words.*" "Yes and I always got poked."

They are interrupted by the door bursting open and the word "Sevvie!!" Snape freezes and feels the familiar mid back poke. "Where were you! I had to look all over!" Her voice floated over his shoulder. He just looked like he wanted to destroy something. The older wizard ducked behind the counter and pulled out his wand. He hexed the girl multiple times but she just giggled and continued to poke Snape.

Follow-up:
And thus Snape was doomed to live. He was never rid of the shoulder-height pest. Even on his deathbed he was poked. When he died, she looked sad but suddenly grinned. She pulled out her wand and hexed herself and she too fell dead. Hogwarts is still haunted by an annoyed ex-potions teacher and poking girl.

Home | Misc | Info | Scrawlings | Portraits | Whispers

Severus Snape, Harry Potter and all other related items © Warner Bros and J.K.Rowling. This is a strictly non-profit site.

All original artwork, fiction, site design and other content is © Nightshade_pheonix, and are not to be used without permission.

No pumpkins were harmed in the making of this site.