- Screed -

Scrawlings: Snapey Limericks

I'm no poet, but I know what I like. And I like to think of as many silly Snapey limericks as I can!

Snape always marked down Han,
Who's essays never would scan.
When told this was so,
He said, "Yes, I know"
"It's because I try to put every possible word into the very last line that I can"

There was a potions student names Perkins
Who to every potion added Gherkins
Snape told her twice
To halt this vice
and pickled her internal workin's

One of Snape’s students, Ilene,
Only brewed potions of kerosene,
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
and since then she'd never benzene

I've been studying all night and I'm tired,
But I can't sleep because I'm so wired.
In class, I ogle Snape
Not learning, I gape,
So I study o’er night to… (Snape has just entered the room, ending the Limerick)

“But sir, I can’t believe you’re serious!”
“Then, Potter, you must be delirious”
Oh, what a boon
Snape confiscates Potter’s broom
He’ll not get it back without Imperius

Don't read on unless you're a responsible person who doesn't get offended by innuendo or toilet humor or peppery language. They're not too bad, but I'm warning you now so you can't complain later, k?

Snape’s eyes blazed at the limerick
He snarled and silkily gave my ego a kick,
"A Lear or a Nash
May own up to this trash
But never a Wordsworth, a Herrick or Himmerick"

There once was a student named Potter
Who really was quite a rotter
With estrogen lacking,
He sent Granger packing
And decided that Snape was far hotter.

Snape grounded a student named Vagor
Who, on a Weasley wager,
Managed to fart
The main oboe part
Of Mozart's "Quartet in F Major."

Snape once spent the night in Madras
And purchased a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think---
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

Severus, dining in Crewe,
Once found a large mouse in his stew.
Told the waiter- don't shout,
Don’t wave it about,
The others will be wanting one, too.

Please don't use these without crediting me - I've wrung my brains to think of them all!

Severus Snape, Harry Potter and all other related items © Warner Bros and J.K.Rowling. This is a strictly non-profit site.

All original artwork, fiction, site design and other content is © Nightshade_pheonix, and are not to be used without permission.

No pumpkins were harmed in the making of this site.